In the grand tradition of gonzo journalism, where the lines between truth, myth, and outright chaos blur into a cocktail of salaciousness and scandal, we bring you the latest from the wild world of Andressa Urach—porn star, former Miss BumBum contestant, and self-proclaimed “charity worker” to the stars.
This week, Urach took to her Moskitalks podcast to spill the tea (or perhaps more accurately, the espresso) on her alleged fling with football megastar Neymar. And let’s just say, the details are as juicy as a ripe mango in the Brazilian sun.
According to Urach, her 2013 encounter with the former Barcelona, PSG, and Al-Hilal forward was less beautiful game and more speed run. “He was very fast,” she quipped, “but he couldn’t finish the second half.” Ouch. For a man who’s made a career out of dazzling footwork and precision finishes, this is the kind of critique that stings worse than a red card in stoppage time.
But wait, there’s more. Urach didn’t just stop at Neymar. She claims to have, ahem, scored with “all his friends” too. “I’ve been with him, I’ve been with all his friends,” she said, casually dropping the kind of revelation that would make even Hunter S. Thompson raise an eyebrow. “I didn’t want to give him that respect—he thought too much of himself, you know?”
Yet, in a twist that feels ripped straight from a Bukowski novel, Urach admits she eventually gave in. “But there was a day when I said, ‘Oh, I’m going to do this charity.’” Charity, indeed. One can only imagine the tax write-offs for that kind of goodwill.
Now, before you dismiss this as just another tabloid tale, let’s remember who we’re dealing with here. Andressa Urach is no stranger to controversy. The 37-year-old former evangelical church member once sued the Universal Church for allegedly swindling over £300,000 from her. She dropped the case but vowed to start her own church, one that promises to be “without taking money from anyone.” A noble endeavor, though one has to wonder if the collection plate will come with an OnlyFans link.
And let’s not forget her previous claim that Cristiano Ronaldo cheated on his girlfriend with her—a claim CR7 vehemently denied. Whether Urach is a magnet for football’s biggest names or just a master of self-promotion is up for debate, but one thing’s for sure: she knows how to keep the spotlight firmly on herself.
Urach first made the Neymar claim back in 2013, shortly after his stint on A Fazenda 6, a Brazilian reality show. At the time, Neymar was dating actress Bruna Marquezine, adding an extra layer of tabloid fodder to the mix. Now, a decade later, Urach is revisiting the story with the kind of bravado that would make Bret Easton Ellis proud.
So, what’s the takeaway here? Is Neymar really a one-and-done kind of guy? Is Andressa Urach the ultimate football groupie, or just a savvy entrepreneur capitalizing on her notoriety? The truth, as always, is probably somewhere in the haze between fact and fiction. But one thing’s for certain: in the world of OnlyBestGirls, where the female form is celebrated and the stories are as bold as the headlines, Andressa Urach is a name that’s impossible to ignore.
Stay tuned, folks. The game’s far from over.
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Last modified: January 29, 2025
